Back to school

I am ill today. I have a pretty impressive cold, and have not stepped out of my bed since getting into it 18 hours ago. It is now almost 3pm and my stomach is starting to make its presence felt but I'm putting off venturing downstairs. I was supposed to go to uni today to pick up an emergency loan (as my student loan hasn't come through, because the student loans company are predictably but astoundingly useless). I would have perhaps managed it if I had the bus fare, but I don't, and it's a four mile, hour-long walk which is not feasible when my head is so heavy and puffy I shouldn't be seen for fear of scaring children.
Monday was the start of my second year at university. My first lecture was interesting but did not fill me with excitement. The module is The Global Citizen in Education and shall pick up, I am sure. There are some interesting ideas floating around. Tuesday was Values and/in Education and I finally got excited to be back. It is taught by a lecturer I hadn't encountered before but who is captivating, amusing and got us to think. It was a basic introduction into the definition of what we mean by Values, and what we mean by Education. It was also an overview of how our societal changes affect Education, from the dark ages to the age of reason, from theism to post modernism. Fascinating stuff, and a module I am very glad to be doing.
Yesterday was my first Disability Studies seminar, we are going to be doing a lot of work for our Effective Practice module this year. I am slightly intimidated, but I am also sure I shall muddle through.
I desperately, desperately want to do well with my degree. I want a First, though don't really believe I shall get it. No matter how hard I work, I tend to be a B grade student. I always feel I am missing something, that I am simply not getting a key point in the whole academic process. I feel that way socially as well, to be honest. That everyone likes and knows each other a little more than they like and know me. That I am somehow intrinsically dumb about the whole friendship process. I cannot relax, when I meet people. I like meeting people, but I cannot relax when I interact with them. I can feel them judging me, I can feel my regret in 5 minutes time having said something stupid. I just generally feel I am not getting it, whatever 'it' may be, in all parts of my life.

Should I talk about D now? Do I want to depress myself further today? I shall perhaps come back later.